Right. Time for some therapy.

"Doc, I feel depressed, confused and de-motivated. What-ever shall I do"

Doc: "Grow a pair"

Seems like this is the only way to get out of this one alive. Time to grow a pair. It sounds so easy. I know for a fact that its not going to be. My life is being shaken to the core right now and I have to figure out a way to come out of it alive. Not only alive, but functional. Got another 60 odd years left of my natural life. Its a long time to survive, longer if I don't get my head straight.

Doomsday is closing in. I feel it now, it breathes its heavy breath on my neck. It drips from my eyes and moistens my cheeks. I can't see past it yet. I don't know what lies beyond the inevitable. It is inevitable now, it always was, but it seems even more so now. Just wish that I could share it with someone.

I may come out stronger from this, thats the plan. But I know for a fact that I'll always be broken. I'm never going to be the same. My identity, my innocence has been slowly eroding away.

"Will I be me, doc?"

"You will be what she wanted you to be. You will be what she has imagined your life is going to be after she's gone. Then when it comes time for you to move on, you will hopefully be able to feel her smiling down on you, ushering you to her. Even though you don't believe in it.

She will live on, through you."