tl;dr

Right, this is something a lot closer to my heart, or its going to be soon, I think. Death. Straight of, I suck with death. I have no idea what the "proper" way to react to it is, there probably isn't.

Short version: People dying, I'm confused

Long version: read...

I've only lost one person before that I really cared about. It was a random person I met over the net, got close and she passed away within a year of me speaking to her. And yes, she might have been some fat bloke looking to scam me for money, but it doesn't matter. The person is real to me. The sentiments are real. Never met her, and I never will, obviously. But I still have things that remind me of her around me. I'm not exactly sad, but I haven't let go. To me she was words on a screen (words that I loved, mind you) and I expect those words to pop up on MSN still. Pathetic? I'd say so.

But that isn't even going to be a billionth as hard as the next person I am about to lose. Whats worse is, I don't even know when it will be. My biggest fear right now is that it will be now, while I'm away from home. Even now as I wrote that down, I feel like I just probably made it happen. That I've just tested fate. The oddest thing about that is, I don't believe in fate. In fact, there are a lot of things I don't believe in that I'm believing in now. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, but yet I feel like she will live on after she's gone. I don't believe in god, but yet I pray for her to live longer. I don't believe in Karma, yet I feel like I may have caused this in some way. Maybe thats how these things come about. Faith, I think, has come about due to death. Its come about due to humans facing their own mortality. We WANT there to be more to life. I sure want there to be more to life for her, for myself, after she's gone. Its almost like the belief of god/afterlife/destiny and all that mumbo jumbo that I do not believe in is programmed in to my DNA. That its a fail-safe. It switches on when things go real bad, or when we are frightened. Ok, frightened is probably understating it. MY BALLS JUST DROPPED 20 STORIES- Scared would be more appropriate.

Moving on from that idea, I have another thing that bothers me. Am I allowed to be happy? Should I be miserable? I know I'm not miserable even though I do have my off days. They can be horrible, but I seem to be doing ok. Should I tell her that I feel horrible, or should I put on that smile, walk in to that room and tell her that I hate the shit she watches on tv and then walk back out. (before you judge me, I still spend time with her).

Like most people in this given situation, I have many conflicting emotions. I have guilt, for the above para. I have anger, at that fucking idiot of a doctor who told her it was a blood clot. I have sadness, for not being able to pamper her like I wanted once I started earning. I'm also happy at times, its hard not to be when she smiles.

I apologies for the lack of sense behind this, I think its easy to understand that this is something hard to put down on paper (or in this case, text). Also, I might come back to this on a later date, its nowhere near finished.

To those who are in similar situations as me, help.

Adieu

Ex's

I bet everyone who has ever blogged already has or will have a discussion on "ex's". So I'm going to knock this one out early. Not because I feel obliged to, but because Its actually a topic of discussion for me as of now.

Right, so, how do you define getting over someone? I've loved, and cruelly lost in this game. But funny thing is, I've always said, it happens. It didn't hurt me when the act of losing it happened, then why does jealousy still exist? Why do you want something thats happened and something that probably will never work and when will that wanting stop?

I know when, and even though its the most asshole-ish way of it, its probably the truth. It'll happen when that "ex" is replaced. Simple. Now, I replaced my ex, only to find out that who I replaced it with is not what I wanted. So I hurt her, and kindly asked her to fuck off. But she didn't fuck off, she insists on sticking around. So now, I'm that ex for her. Funny how the world works, aye? Now she has loved, she's lost it, but she doesn't realise it. Either that, or just not ready to accept it. Its probably the latter. So, its time to be an asshole again now, this time a bigger one. Yeah, judge me if you want, but its the only way.

Another part about this "ex" business. Giving advice. I've given someone a shit load of advice now that I should have listened myself. Am I being a hypocrite then? A part of me thinks so and iiiii fucking hate it. I feel dirty, like a whore. Ha and she's the first person to read this after I'm done writing. Incredible. But, the other part of me thinks its me giving advice after my own experiences. Maybe its me not wanting her to go through what I did.

Conclusion: Like the other billion people who have blogged ( I hate saying blog), nay, written about this, I have absolutely no fucking clue what I'm doing. And no one will. Its funny, throughout human change. Ex's will always be the same and through all its cultures and races, Ex's will always be comparable.

Ok, going on tangents again.

Adieu

Introductions..

Right, here this goes. As the title of my "blog" (elongate the o to say it like I am right now) says, I'm a simple man. I don't do fashion, I don't do expensive clothes, I'm not very cultural or knowledgeable of worldly matters. I do however think a lot, sometimes its hard to stop. I'm also very opinionated, so there could be some LONG as fuck (I also curse a lot) posts that might come your way. And by now, you're bored and decided to fuck off.

For the person who has stuck around, I'm Krits.

I'm not sure what I'm going to achieve here. One thing I've figured out already is, peer pressure works. It only took some light insisting from two friends to get me to do this. One says I can be a writer. So lets find out.

So, until next time. When I have something to say.

Adieu